“At the center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want.”
So the room I stayed in up at Silverstar was fittingly named Gypsy Queen. Indeed, I have lived like a gypsy this year on purpose both to train myself out of routines I’d gotten myself into that were too comfy and were stifling my growth as well as to save money for my pilgrimage to Scotland. I lived with several different friends in different houses this year for varying time frames. I learned flexibility. I learned that I can live happily with very FEW earthly things. I learned that the people in the house and my relationship with them are the most important “things”; I used to think the stuff and how we interacted with this stuff and how much we accumulated were the vital bits. I used to look for my self-worth in the eyes of others and in a mainstream definition of success and I was miserable. Something needed to change. My spirit was asking me to step out of the box I had been living in.
I discovered this year that traveling, for me, is not a want- it is a need. Some folks, like my friend Veronica, are happiest working their land and putting their Spirit’s roots deep into the soil there. Some folks, like my friend Sandy, are happiest in constant motion living a more nomadic existence. I fall somewhere between these two, I have learned in my years’ adventures. I need to travel; the gypsy part of me is alive and well. I learn so much about myself and the world from interacting with other cultures, spiritual systems, and landscapes. And I am also a typical cancer crab in the zodiac where I like a home base to move out from; a place where I have a stable community- a tribe.
That home base has been Vancouver for pretty much my entire life. My past is here. My immediate and extended blood family is here. My friends are here- childhood friends, university friends, and friends I made as an adult. Communities that I have been active in for years are all here. I know this city like the back of my hand. In my mind’s eye, I can see the landscape and travel to any place people mention at the drop of a hat. I have memories here for as far back as I can remember: as a 4 year old in the first house I lived in on 49th Ave.
And yet, my intuition has been telling me for a while that it is time to leave this city and the people I love to go onto new adventures. During my second trip to Calgary in June, I decided to move there. It is a part of knowing who I am and what I want. I have been practicing being authentically me and have been listening to my heart. There are lots of personal growth opportunities for me in Calgary through the Shamanic Community there. I have many friends there who feel like my “tribe”. I can always move back to Vancouver if things don’t work out. And I am not one for living with regrets. If I don’t go and check it out, I might kick myself later. So here I go entering the uncharted territory to live an adventure.
It feels to me like entering the void- like all the darkness around the light of the moon. I can see the light of the moon but I can’t see the details of what is in the blackness. What I know about the void is that it is not nothing; it is the place of possibility where everything in the universe is birthed from. And so I am stepping into that unknown. As I drove around Vancouver running errands today, I felt a mixture of sadness, excitement, hope, fear, and gratitude. I marveled at how all these emotions can arise simultaneously in one person. Although I feel with my whole being that this is the right move for me, a large part of me is sad about leaving my friends and family behind. I wonder what will become of my relationships with people and have been busy thinking about ways to stay connected from afar. This blog is a part of that. I hope that you will continue to walk along beside me on my journey and keep me apprised of what is up in yours. I welcome e-mails, Skype calls, phone calls, letters, photos, videos and in person visits to my new place in Calgary. I will be flying out there at the end of September for a week to secure a place to live. Friends have given me a list of areas in Calgary that would suit my personality and likes that I will check out. I will be driving my stuff out there the last week of October and will be there by November 1. I want to touch base with as many of you as I can before I make the BIG move. And if it doesn’t happen before then, I will be back to Vancouver a few times this year and we can make a date then!